Creative Writing: Why Five Dollars?

There we are, watching, and waiting. Waiting for that noise, that dreaded sign that told us, we were next. Waiting outside in those chairs were like waiting to be accepted into heaven, or to be dragged back to hell. As the door opened, my heart raced, my were sweating bullets, and then it was time.
We sat down in the chairs in front of his desk. We waited for him to start talking, but he wouldn’t say a thing. Then I couldn’t wait any longer, and it came out.
“Why did you want us? Why us? Why not the others, why us it us you want?”
“I wanted you both here today because all of the others that work in this building don’t deserve what I am about to offer. So cut the rubbish ate and listen. The offer I am about to make is everyone’s dream.”
“What is the offer sir.”
“Shut your face Michael. As I was saying, the offer is… Your very own private island. The only thing that I need in return is, $5, and your jobs.”
The boys were silent and shocked. Why? Why would he offer this once in a life time opportunity, but in return, they must hand over their jobs?
“You have a deal. ” Michael said with a hint of regret.
“Very well then. You will leave Australia for the, sorry, your island tomorrow.
We packed our bags and headed for our own, precious, private island.
There it is, finally our island. Our very own island. The sight was beautiful from above, but why? Why would he sell an island that would be usually worth more than billions of dollars, but instead, we only paid 5?
End of part 1 of 2.

2 thoughts on “Creative Writing: Why Five Dollars?

  1. At the part “Why not the others, why us it us you want?”, I think you’ll need to fix up that wording, since it doesn’t make sense. But that’s practically it, it’s good so far.

  2. This is an intriguing start to your narrative. I am hooked, and I want to know more. I have written some detailed comments to you on Edmodo – some grammatical issues that I think are mostly to do with rushing – a quick proofread will fix that. Still looking forward to the second installment to make this an effective and well-structured narrative.

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