Journal Entry #1

Carina sat in the bathroom stall sobbing for about an hour. Her whole life Carina never quite fit in she was always just a reject and she had accepted that. She didn’t like the same music as them or dress like they did, she didn’t have the opinions that they had and she openly expressed that. But today for some reason they got to her, maybe it was finally just too much and she had finally let them get to her. She thought maybe it was time for her to just become miss perfect and to stop being such a social casualty; maybe it was time for her to become ‘normal’.

She thought of all the pros and cons of becoming one of those girls.

Pro: Finally might make some friends…

Con: Were they real friends?

Pro: The bullying would finally stop

Con: Would it stop though? Ana had seen them just as mean to their own kind as they had been to her

Pro: She’d finally fit in

Con: what if they think I’m just a try hard?

Carina thought about the pros and cons of becoming ‘normal’ for about an hour until she finally decided she wanted to become one of them. Not because she liked them but because she decided she couldn’t handle the constant torment anymore…she was going to sell her soul to the devil.

She walked into her room and flopped on her bed. She looked up and saw all her band posters that covered her wall…she was going to miss them. She started off slow by deleting all her Instagram fan accounts, all her fanfics, put out an announcement on her blog she would no longer be active and finally the hardest part… she unfollowed all her heroes, all the people who made her who she is. She got a sudden flood of messages asking what was going on but she left them. One piece of her heart gone a million more pieces to go… she was now truly disconnected.

The next step to becoming one of them, Carina decided was to throw out all her band things. She threw out all her band merch which she had saved all her money for and had protected with her life. She took down all her posters and threw out her guitar which broke her heart the most. A few thousand more pieces of her heart broke.

Finally, Carina knew it was time to change herself…she finally knew this was the end. She started by taking out her piercings and put huge hoop earrings. She threw out all her old clothes and bought designer labels and replaced her black makeup with bright, bold colours. The last piece of her heart was finally broken and she was now an emotionless, cake face zombie who would spend the rest of her life making herself ‘beautiful’ with makeup and surgery.

She had all her old stuff in a bag and was about to through everything out when all of a sudden her phone started playing her favourite song. At that moment something clicked…the song, the lyrics it all reminded her of who she really was. She realised she didn’t care what the others thought she would rather be happy and alone rather than miserable and popular.

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